Friday, September 16, 2011

Week #2

"Are you thirsty?" My sister in-law Brittany asks.
"Yeah, I'll have water if you've got one out here?" I replied. Almost dying of thirst from sitting out in this heat.
She hands me a new, ice cold, bottle of poland springs.  I drink until I begin to get the brain freeze affect. I set my bottle down on the patio set. The foods done, and I'm begining to worry about how bad the two dogs will beg while we eat outside. I sit down with my plate of BBQ chicken, potatoe, corn on the cob, and bottle of water. I look over and my black lab, Brodey is sitting up to the right of me, and to the left of me is Duke, my sister-in laws chesapeake bay retriever. 

I try to ignore them, continuing to eat and drink the water Brittany gave me. After dinner, I breath a sigh of relief that the two dogs didnt beg that much. I finish my bottle of water, and start to play with it, squishing it, making that crunchy, squishy sound. The two dogs are begging worse, and theres not even any food on the table. 

I accidently drop the bottle while playing with it, and before I could even process it, the two dogs are growling at eachother, diving after the bottle. Brodey comes up with the bottle, and runs off. Laying down on the grass, bottle in his mouth, with Duke sitting directly in front of him waiting for any chance to scoop in and grab it.

Brodey accidently drops it, and Duke makes the scoop he's been waiting for. Brodey doesnt even try to beat him to it.

Duke runs off with it, Brodey chasing him. They run around for about 4 minutes, Brodey still chasing Duke. Duke is too scared to sit down with it, fearing it will be snatched away. Finally, Brodey caves, and slams himself down onto the grass for a break. Duke finds a place, laying on his back, leaning against a patio chair piled with buns, chips, and leftovers thrown onto a plate. While playing with the bottle in his mouth, he squirms around on his back, looking like hes trying to scratch it. Brodey is sitting a safe distance away, still watching him.

Duke tips the chair over while laying on his back, and the food goes every where.  Duke jumps up, dropping the bottle, and darts to the other side of the chair to pick up a quick hot dog.  Brodey ignores the food, sprints in and scoops up the bottle and rushes over to where we was sitting, drops the bottle, and lays on it to hide it. 

Duke gets scolded for getting into the food, and goes back to lay down where he was, looking for the bottle before plopping down. Brodey continuing to watch Duke look for the bottle.

Finally, Duke goes over to Brodey and lays down in front of him, Brodey got a little scared and slightly moved, forcing the bottle to make a noice.  Duke's ears shoot up, and then looks at Brodey, tilting his head to the side as if to ask, "What was that?!" It doesnt take Duke long to figure out he has the bottle, he begins sniffing Brodey and around him.  Brodey lays still, trying not to move.

Just then Duke accidently steps on Brodey's tail, and Brodey shoots up, revealing the bottle! Duke scoops the bottle up and runs away.  Brodey, still tired from running, sits down, and watches Duke take off. 

Duke stops, looks back, looking at Brodey, as if to ask "Aren't you going to chase me?!" Brodey doesnt take the bait. Duke rops the bottle, trots over to Brodey, and the two lay down, calling it a day.

Next time, I wont worry about them begging for food, but instead for bottles.

1 comment:

  1. Two dogs are definitely not twice as much fun as one--more like ten times as much fun. You do a nice job giving us the action, but I think the reader tends to get lost in the middle--remember that you have a picture in your head of these two and the pictures are connected to their names; your reader doesn't so we keep flipping back for reference. Just reminding us who's the lab, who's the CBR would help.

    Even more importantly, we get a sense of who is top dog here, who controls the game, but we miss your commentary in that middle section--how the watching grownups were reacting to the dogs' silliness.

    That said, let me repeat--you do a good job describing that action and creating visuals the reader can run in his mind to see the scene as it unfolded.

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